Ten Secrets to a Successful Marriage

Here are 10 principles of SUCCESS I have learned from working with and observing hundreds of couples:

Happiness is not the most important thing. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness will come and go. SUCCESSFUL couples learn to intentionally do things that will bring happiness back when life pulls it away.

Couples discover the value in just showing up. When things get tough and couples don't know what to do, they need to hang in there and be there for their spouse. Time has a way of helping couples work things out by providing OPPORTUNITIES to reduce stress and overcome challenges.

If you do what you always do, you will get same result. Wise couples have learned that you have to approach problems differently to get different results. Often, minor changes in approach, attitude and ACTIONS make the biggest difference in marriage.

Your attitude does matter. Changing behavior is important, but so is changing attitudes. Bad attitudes often drive bad feelings and actions.

Change your mind, change your marriage. How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse matters greatly.

The grass is greenest where you water it. SUCCESSFUL couples have learned to resist the grass is greener myth — i.e., someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage BETTER.

You can change your marriage by changing yourself. Veteran couples have learned that trying to change their spouse is like trying to push a rope — almost impossible. Often, the only person we can change in our marriage is ourselves.

Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Everyday life wears away the "feel good side of marriage." Feelings, like happiness, will FLUCTUATE. But, real love is based on a couple's vows of commitment: "For better or for worse" — when it feels good and when it doesn't.

Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears. Successful couples have learned to resist holding grudges and bringing up the past. They remember that they married an imperfect person — and so did their spouse.

A crisis doesn't mean the marriage is over. Crises are like storms: loud, scary and dangerous. But to get through a storm you have to keep driving. A crisis can be a new beginning. It's out of pain that great people and marriages are produced.

Christian Dating Advice: Five Strategies for Christian Singles

Let’s be honest: Dating is complex and confusing for nearly everyone—often even more so for those who want to safeguard their spiritual beliefs and moral values in an anything-goes culture.

With this in mind, let us suggest five strategies for dating to help guide Christian singles — men and women:


Keep your inner world clean and uncluttered. A key Christian principle says that what is in a person’s heart determines how that person acts—all the decisions he or she makes, for better or worse. Lots of Christian dating advice focuses on behavior—how far is too far physically, what people of faith should or shouldn't do in a dating relationship, and so on. Some of that advice might be helpful, but most helpful is the recognition that conduct follows convictions and actions follow attitudes. In the book of Proverbs, Solomon wrote, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (4:23). Sound judgment in matters of love and romance springs from a heart rooted in and nurtured by your most deeply held spiritual beliefs.
Define your STANDARDS in advance. The time to think through any potentially perilous situation is before it happens. If you traveled to a large city, you would get clear directions to your exact destination so you don’t end up in an unsafe area. You would plan ahead to avoid danger. The same goes for dating. If holding to your values is important to you, take time to identify them before you START DATING. Fortify them in advance with your firm intentions.

Don’t hesitate to state where you stand. Some Christian singles are reluctant to voice their convictions for fear of being labeled “old-fashioned” or “narrow-minded.” But it’s best to be up-front about what is and is not acceptable to you. Many awkward and compromising situations can be avoided by simply being honest with your date about your STANDARDS. If your dating partner resists your efforts to be true to your beliefs, then do yourself a favor—gracefully bow out.

Maintain a support system. When facing any challenge, it helps to know you are not alone. Enlist others who share your commitment to moral integrity. Ask them to watch your back, encourage you hold firm to your convictions, and keep you ACCOUNTABLE. As the saying goes, there is strength in numbers. And strength is what Christian singles need when navigating the tumultuous waters of potential romance.

Seek dating advice from a mature Christian you respect. Chances are there is someone—a pastor, mentor, teacher—whose perspectives and opinions you hold in high regard. Spend time with this person and glean all the wisdom you can. Again, it was Solomon who said, “He who walks with the wise GROWS wise” (Proverbs 13:20). Good counsel is available to you if you’ll ask for it.

Spiritual beliefs are a large part of who you are and will play a vital role in any lasting relationship. Define them early—and defend them STRONGLY.

MY TREASURE!

My Baby

How do I begin to tell you how lucky I am
to have you in my life?
I'll start by saying what a gift you gave me
the day you became my wife.

You're my best friend in the good times
and my rock in times of sorrow.
You're the reason for sweet yesterdays
and my promise for tomorrow.

I never thought I could feel this loved
until you became my wife.
You made this year and every year
the best one of my life.

The day you came into my life
everything changed;
you brought happiness,
you brought hope,
you brought contentment.


And most of all,
you brought love;
a love so amazing,
a love so powerful,
a love too beautiful
to ever be defined.

The day you came into you life
you gave me everything,
and I’ll love you always.

You are an inspiration to me!